I needed some words like these this morning as I questioned failed and flawed relationships and some that never really got started. David DeAngelo...and before you sneer, I'd just say take them for what they say. Spend time with and have people in your life who bring you joy and happiness, and try to avoid the roller coaster people/partners/friends, unless the two of you are riding in the same car of the same roller coaster. Give thanks this weekend ( Canada only) for those who do bring joy and happiness...a lover, a friend, a real partner, I'm saying to self at this moment!
Here's where I saw this "You'll notice that a lot of guys write in to the Mailbags with questions like "I'm dating four women right now, and they're all wonderful, but there's this ONE girl that I just can't get... how do I make the one that isn't interested LIKE me?" This is a curious thing. We humans always want the approval of the person who doesn't want to give it to us. Instead of just walking away and saying "your loss", we often chase after them, begging and pleading for their approval... and thinking that we must have done something wrong. Remember, some people actually ENJOY making other people feel bad. Some women actually ENJOY rejecting men. It gives them a feeling of power. There are MANY women who will spend all week shopping, two hours putting on their clothing and makeup (and doing their hair), just to go out and get attention from men... so they can reject those men, and complain to their friends about what "losers" and "pigs" men are, and how they hate it when men look at them like a "piece of meat". Go figure. Let me give you a little "tough love". Part of growing up, becoming a REAL MAN, and getting this area of your life handled is realizing that not all women are nice people, and not letting those that aren't nice AFFECT YOU. You can reach a point in your life where your attitude become "I do not give anyone permission to take my joy, happiness, and good mood from me". When you get to this point, then IT DOESN'T MATTER if a woman doesn't respond positively to your approach. It doesn't matter if she rejects you. It doesn't matter if she doesn't have a sense of humor. None of this matters when you don't give anyone permission to TAKE YOUR JOY FROM YOU. My advice: Learn to walk away. Learn to blow it"
Now that you're feeling better, get out there and make sure that your customers will come to you rather than your competition when they are ready to buy.
Chances are you are a little tight for cash, so here are 10 low-cost ways to market better we've worked out with help from Joanna L. Krotz, co-author of the "Microsoft Small Business Kit".
Stop servicing break-even customers. By now you know this is a theme with us. Every second you spend with a customer who doesn't help you make money you are short-changing those who do.
Make every customer feel special. Always add something to the purchase, whether it's a hand-written note to a consumer or a recommendation on the latest greatest business book to a business customer.
Create business cards that prospects keep. How about a good-looking notepad with your contact info and tagline on every page? Or a free or low-cost trial offer on the back, real estate that's valuable and often wasted.
Develop an electronic mailing list and send old-fashioned letters too. E-newsletters are cheap to send, but you can quickly stand out by occasionally sending personal, surface mail letters to customers and prospects too. Just make sure the letter delivers something customers want to read.
Boost your profile at point of sale, trade shows and conferences. You can quickly create your own signage, glossy postcards with your contact information, product news inserts or an event mini web site even if you are not a software professional.
Combine business with pleasure - and charity. Spearhead an event, party or conference for a cause you care about. That puts you in the position of getting to know lots of people and shows off your small business leadership skills.
Create a destination. Indigo Books & Music has its coffee bars. IKEA offers child-care centers and cafeterias. Steal this idea. Add a free advisory service. Add customer loyalty services, such as free delivery for second-time buyers.
Become an online expert. This is the "free sample" approach to bringing in business. Research active e-mail discussion lists and online bulletin boards that is relevant to your business and audience. Join and start posting expert advice.
Court local media. Editorial features convey more credibility with prospective clients than paid advertising does.
Finally, don't let customers simply slip away. It costs a lot less to retain a disgruntled or inactive customer than to acquire a new one. Send a personalized e-mail (you can automate this process), inquiring whether all is well. For a customer who suffered a bad experience, pick up the phone, acknowledging the unpleasantness and ask if there's anything you can do. A discount can't hurt either.
Being kind to customers is the smartest low-cost marketing you can do.
We’ve all heard it over and over again. “If you want to find a great relationship, look for an opposite.” Is that the best approach? How can someone who has a different set of values, attitudes and hobbies be so attractive? People who are dramatically different from us are often the most attractive. This comes from a common sense approach to social relationships. Our lives are usually enriched by connections to others who have abilities that we don’t have. Unfortunately, applying this lesson to our romantic pursuits is often a recipe for disaster.
“If the qualities that attract you to someone are different from your own, be cautious, “ says clinical psychologist and author of How to Know If Someone is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less, Dr. Neil Clark Warren. He points out that while opposites often attract, they also usually drive each other crazy over the long haul. Dr. Warren’s three decades of counseling married couples has led him to make “finding someone similar to you” one of the pillars of his relationship advice. “I don’t discount how hard it is to find someone who is a lot like you. It has always been difficult, and it’s become even more so, as diversity increases. But when two people come from similar backgrounds, they operate from a position of strength. Their relationship is made significantly easier by all the customs and practices they have in common.”
Forging a relationship with an opposite is so hard because every difference you have requires negotiation and adaptation. Accommodation and compromise will necessitate plenty of change. This change creates a kind of stress, and according to Dr. Warren, “If there are too many differences, you may not be able to survive all the strain involved in adapting to each other.”
What sort of differences cause the most trouble? When considering whether a particular person is a good relationship candidate for you look to four specific areas.
Energy Level – If she likes to go dancing three times a week and he loves to relax on the couch most nights…look out.
Personal Habits – This includes punctuality, cleanliness, weight management, and smoking.
Use of Money – When one person wants to save for the future and the other is eager to spend and enjoy life now; the conflict can be deadly to a relationship.
Verbal Skills and Interests – If one person is dying for more conversation and the other wants more piece and quiet, there is a lot of stress.
Having considered all these points there is one personality trait that can mitigate the danger of a relationship between opposites. Dr. Warren calls it flexibility. “This flexibility allows people to consider the differences, evaluate them, propose alternative solutions, and then resolve them. Of course, it is vital that two people be willing to compromise. When one partner bends and flexes every time, the relationship becomes unbalanced and ‘out of whack’.”
So next time you’re feeling that tug of attraction to someone you know is drastically different than you, take a second look. Professor J. Phillippe Rushton of The University of Western Ontario in his study on differences and marital happiness put it this way, “One of the most important principles to follow in choosing a mate revolves around a highly established reality: Stable and satisfying marriages usually involve two people who are very much alike.”
Comment:
Actually, opposites no NOT attract. Likes attract, its cosmic law. When two people share the same basic beliefs, a connection is made. A key component is communication. When two people can share and exchange as if they have been friends since childhood, then that is a good sign. When two people can be awake at all hours of the night sharing childhood stories, dreams, and even hopes and aspirations, then you know you have a good foundation for a relationship.
Also, the couple has to be of a similar philosophical place. Do they feel the same way on the big issues, can they talk about inner desires and motivations, are they on tract with each other.
Finally, like in "Lord of the Rings" the one to rule them all, do they have the same goals and ambitions? If two people who have a good foundation have the same goal, or can get motivated by the same goals and are willing to commit to something that is bigger than either person as individuals, indeed, this is a winning combination.
Even the fastest most powerful car goes nowhere without the right fuel, and a relationship needs love, commitment, and open, safe and calm communication. With the commitment to something higher, it is easy to overcome everyday stumbling blocks, just like a cart with big wheels pulled can easily get over the smaller stones that can stall a push cart will smaller wheels. It's all leverage and the higher common purpose that allows the relationship to rise above the stumbling blocks.
hen 4,000
couples in the UK who had been married for more than 16 years, on average, were
polled on the keys to a long-lasting relationship, some interesting facts were
discovered. On average, these married couples wanted four cuddles a day...
romantic gestures from their partners every 10 days... unsolicited helpful
gestures three times a month... and seven cozy nights in and two dinner dates
out a month.
We can make our own marriages happier by incorporating these "happy marriage
behaviors" into our lives. Striving to give your spouse, say, four cuddles a day
might start out feeling artificial but eventually will become a rich part of the
fabric of your relationship. Because kindness reaps kindness in relationships,
you will encourage your spouse to reciprocate.
ROMANTIC GESTURES EVERY 10 DAYS
In a long-term relationship, we tend to think romantic gestures are no longer
necessary. But surprising your spouse with flowers or a romantic dinner reminds
your partner that you still are in love with him/her. If you decide to run a
bath for your wife because she had a bad day, it shows that you are thinking
specifically about what would please her, and that thoughtfulness is far more
important than even the action itself. To be truly romantic, don’t ask your
partner what he might want. Instead come up with your own idea -- something that
shows great attention to your partner’s unique likes and dislikes.
4 CUDDLES A DAY
Make sure to hug or affectionately touch your partner at least four times a
day. The happiest couples touch a lot. Try a slight squeeze on the shoulder at
breakfast or a hug before you run off to work.
3 HELPFUL ACTIONS A MONTH
Thoughtful actions that lighten a partner’s load are perceived as tender and
caring -- especially when done without anyone asking. Taking the initiative to
do the dishes or make your spouse coffee in the morning shows that you are
paying attention and makes your partner realize how central he/she is in your
thoughts. You even can come right out and tell your partner, "I’m doing this
because I love you and I want to make sure you know that."
7 COZY NIGHTS IN AND 2 DINNER DATES OUT A MONTH
Your "cozy nights in" should be different from your everyday routine -- make
sure you aren’t parked in front of the television. Instead, have dinner
together, talk about your week, make plans, check in about upcoming activities.
Also, reserve special nights two times a month. Making the effort to dress up
and go outside the family home together reinforces your "coupleness" and adds
vitality to a relationship.
Bottom Line/Personal interviewed
Pamela C. Regan, PhD, a professor of psychology at California State University,
Los Angeles. Her work with thousands of couples over the years led her to write
the book The Mating Game
(Sage).
Another book out of the door, and this one sells regularly online out of my collection, before I had a good chance to browse it fully. Self improvement, for example, removing some of nagging things that prevent full satisfaction with one's life, even acknowledging there are many things that cannot be changed for whatever reason, is a constant theme now at mid life.
It felt like the end of summer yesterday. This series of photos of the best bikinis in movies warmed my morning this am. Yes I'm still a guy, and I'm aging, but I can at last remember when the bikini wave began. An invention that changed the world....aaah I exaggerate, but I and others I daresay, have certainly enjoyed the last 40 years of so of going to the beach or watching beach scenes in movies. Now when will they bring back the speedo for guys?
Thank you to Bottom Line Secrets where I saw this first
What can I use for my skin to repair the damage done by all my years of sitting or playing in the sun without spf protection. The you looked with that suntan look at one time effect!
A:Topical retinoids (creams and gels containing chemicals derived from vitamin A) first developed to treat acne and psoriasis have proved effective at repairing skin -- beyond improving appearance -- that’s been damaged by long sun exposure.
How they work: Topical retinoids lighten freckles and spots and improve skin’s appearance. They also increase collagen production to help make small wrinkles disappear. Retinoids improve the quality of skin growth and decrease the number of atypical skin cells.
Topical retinoids are a prescription drug, so consult your doctor. They are safe for everyone (except during pregnancy), but may cause skin irritation.
This is a book I am passing on to someone else at this time, but I wanted to highlight a few of the points that caught my attention. In my case, I'm not sure why so many childhood memories are missing. I'm chalking it up to some sort of memory deficiency or trait that removes details from long term memory. Perhaps there is some blocking going on? I have a close friend whose detailed memories of all her childhood put my sketchy recollections to shame. What is the difference between her and me and why? A question for another time.
The book provides various ways to unlock memories and start recording them. Significant to me in its approach is that it begins its concluding chapters with a section on focusing on "Good Memories"
It suggests these questions:
1. Was there healthy touching?
2. Was there respectful talking and/or listening?
3. Were you caring for or giving to others?
4. Do your memories produce happy emotions?
5. Were you respected by others?
6. Would you enjoy reliving the memory(ies)?
7. Were you comfortable around other people?
8. Do the memories make you feel good about yourself?
9. Do the memories help you feel secure?
10. Were you involved with others in a positive way?
The authors suggest that any time you answer a question in a positive way, you probe deeper with the who, what, where, when, how and why questions to discover more and solidify those memories.
Appendices as exercises include:
To Rewrite Your Early Memories (turning your childhood memories from a childlike view to a more rational adult one)
Letting Your Parents Off The Hook of Blame and Bitterness
Exchanging Life Themes and Expectations (An Exercise for Married Couples)
Dealing With Potential Parent Traps (Identifying Your Parenting Methods In Relation To Your Recollection of How Your Were Parented...Good and Bad)
The book provides useful approaches to stimulate that powerful computer that sits on top of our necks to allow memories to flow more fully. It does what is its title suggests. Recommended.
And here's a great little take on going from girl friend to wife written from a computer geek perspective. Not that I would know anything about this.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 merely is a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed.
Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3 , Football 5.0 , Hunting and Fishing 7.5 , and Racing 3.6. will no longer launch.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than original system. Look in your manual under WARNINGS - Alimony/Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.
Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push the apologize button, then the re-set button as soon as any lock-up occurs. The system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high maintenance.
BSOD WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!
Are you making the same mistakes over and over and wondering why you are not in a great relationship? Perhaps it's the way we talk or act with each other? I saw these the other day on a site and took some liberties with them.
Are you talking or acting this way? Experts say these are relationship killers.
-Then I guess we shouldn't be "dating", in a a "relationship", shagging, etc. etc.
-Why can't you be more/less like my ex?
-I'm just too tired from working all day to help you with that. (the headache variation and I'm not feeling well also popular
-Let's go grave digging -finding small stuff from the past to continue the icy patch, the argument or just when you need to one up the other person
-Do as I say not as I do-complaining without showing any effort or action on his or her part
-You're a lousy lover...and I'm so great. (taking the negative approach)
-You knew I was this way when you met me (as in no one will ever change me in any way...and you're not worth changing for is probably what it also means)
-No comment-as in the talking ceases and the sullenness begins or the variation is "there you go again and she runs to her room and slams the door or he retreats to his little haven"
I saw this and thought it would be a fun read for women and men. Men, make sure your clues suggest the heart is involved always, although your head tells you you nheed to show her you do love her in small ways on a fairly regular basis and of course sometime big ways.
This year I couldn't make it to Mexico at the regular time, over Christmas and New Years. I had a substantial deposit at the place near Los Muertos Beach that I've been going back to for a few years. My cancellation or more appropriately, my deferment was late, quite admittedly.
After just a little bit of email discussion, we reached an agreement that none of my deposit would be lost if they could rent out the suite. Of course, at Christmas peak that would not be a problem.
This post is just to thank Juan Manual at Alba Jr Suites in Puerto Vallarta publicly for their excellent customer service and recognizing the value of potential lifetime customer and lifetime referrals. See you again soon!
Buy package deals that combine airfare with a hotel stay.Two of the best sources: Go-today.com (www.go-today.com) and Gate 1 Travel (www.gate1travel.com). Go-today.com recently offered airfare to London plus six nights in a medium-quality hotel for $749, per person, double occupancy. Also: Virgin Vacations (www.virgin-vacations.com).
Stay in an apartment. Apartments, owned either by companies in the lodging business or by individuals, often save you 50% to 60% over hotels of comparable quality.
Bottom Line/Retirement interviewed Pauline Frommer, creator of Pauline Frommer Guidebooks, guides designed to help vacationers save money on trips in the US and to Europe and other destinations, www.frommers.com/pauline. She is the daughter of the legendary travel expert Arthur Frommer.
Benefits were not mentioned. I happened to see this in a forum. You've got long term, serious thinking on your mind and don't want to settle for a lot less. (I will say sometimes us older, second or third...or fourth relationship folks can handle some variation of the typical boy-girl love affair as long as both of you are comfortable. It may not stay that way, but try) I'd say recheck the temperature in some way at least once or twice, after you gave him or her some time to be apart. At the same time take stock of the possibilities and get ready to move forward to your goals.
SURVIVE A BREAKUP Did she say "Let's just be friends", "I am not in love with you", "I still care about you" etc.? Then: 1. It's over - as in FINAL. She's gone. She's NOT coming back. 2. Her FOCUS in life is someone else already. You're nobody. 3. You're no longer welcome. DO NOT MAKE CONTACT. Do not call, do not write - EVER. You're annoying her. Dumpees, Wake Up: SHE'S ALREADY MOVED ON. SHE'S HAPPY. LEAVE HER ALONE. DON'T BOTHER HER. 4. You MUST break the attachment by focusing on YOURSELF. 5. Don't even THINK about being "friends" with her. Don't torture yourself. 6. Get her OUT of your life. Get her pictures, letters, and other reminders OUT OF SIGHT. Pack them away or trash them. 7. Acknowledge your grief - wail out loud, punch your pillow, let your heart mourn. Let the pain out. 8. Express your anger. Write a farewell letter to her, but DO NOT SEND. Write out why you were or are angry at her. Get them all down. And why you are angry at yourself for what you did not do 9. Exercise A LOT. 10. GET OUT of the house. Go do things YOU like to do. 11. Stay away from alcohol. 12. Determine the qualities she had that you want in future partners, and the qualities she had that you don't want. 13. List the lessons learned - What you should have done differently. 14. It is tempting to hold on and scary to LET GO. Say to yourself that you're letting go of her. LET THE PAST GO. 15. Structure your time and stay BUSY. 16. INTERRUPT yourself whenever you get stuck thinking about her and REDIRECT your focus onto something productive. 17. Take it ONE day at a time. 18. It's better it happened NOW rather than later down the road. 19. It's GOOD that it happened, because you're now FREE to find someone BETTER. 20. A NEW and BETTER life is waiting for you. You WILL find someone BETTER. So MOVE ON!!! - BECAUSE SHE ALREADY HAS.
I must be getting old or I've got a big soft spot somewhere. If I had ever heard the "lets go slow" or the "let take our time" line in the past, it was clear it was time to move on. Just women talk for letting a guy know she didn't want to get serious in either of our lifetimes. It probably still means that in most of the situations, but I did ask myself that are there some possible nuances here that I need to understand better. In the process of that thinking, I ran across this five page discussion, that gives you the female and male perspective on an interesting situation: more than a few dates, sex once, apparent outward interest on both sides, etc. Lots of ideas and thoughts so worth reading, I say and linking to.
Bob Dylan is in Winnipeg on November 2nd. Albeit with some facetiousness here, I decided, that based on both of us being aging 60's folk rockers-country rockers (I listened-he played) that this is a can't miss-may never have the chance again, performance. Nobody's getting younger, but the memories of his influence on our lives in those days, and to this day, is still strong.
So the question becomes! What will he play that will be high points for me? As always their is a wealth of information from fan sites. Interesting enough his set list has changed for every show on his Canadian tour, except for his two encore songs. The Bob Dylan set list link is below.
Extras 
hen 4,000
couples in the UK who had been married for more than 16 years, on average, were
polled on the keys to a long-lasting relationship, some interesting facts were
discovered. On average, these married couples wanted four cuddles a day...
romantic gestures from their partners every 10 days... unsolicited helpful
gestures three times a month... and seven cozy nights in and two dinner dates
out a month.
Buy package deals that combine airfare with a hotel stay. Two of the best sources: Go-today.com (
